Tuesday 24 November 2015

What You Didn’t Know About Long Distance Relationships (LDR).

What comes to the mind of many individuals when they hear about long distance relationship is the romantic relationship between partners, but then long distance relationship is actually a general term for relationship between persons who are geographically isolated from one another and lack face-to-face contact. Not all long-distance relationships are romantic. When individuals go away to school, their relationships with family and friends also become long distance.

Though these article would be concentrating on the romantic distance relationship as it has become a worrisome and demeaning factor in relationships in Nigeria as well as across the globe.
I got the inspiration to write on long distance relationship after a friend of mine went through a very horrible experience.
Sandra (Not her real name) is a beauty to behold and was in a relationship with IK for over two years now until two months back when she called in and sought my advice on whether she should continue or pull out of the relationship which was seemingly growing in doubts than trust.
Sandra is based in Abuja while Ikenna is based in Awka, the capital of Anambra State. According to Sandra, Ikenna is always very suspicious of every move she makes and would always want to talk to the person next to her to really confirm about her whereabouts whenever he calls, and this has become embarrassing and she’s getting fed up because of the lack of trust. And if peradventure, there is nobody around her to attest to her where about, there is going to be trouble which would lead to one or more days malice.
There is more to Sandra’s story but the point here is that, he lacks trust because of distance which according to her was not a problem when they were together in Awka before her family relocated to Abuja.
On her behalf I visited a counsellor and the tips he shared with me, which has helped improve Sandra’s relationship is what I have come to share with you all.
1 Avoid being overly possessive of your partner: it’s important to note that God created this person not you. But so many people in the name of relationships harass their partners every now and then. No matter what the case may be, you partner also deserves some little privacy. Some persons go as far as harassing their partners even on social media like face book e.g. baby, who is this Solomon that just commented on your wall, please delete his comment because I know he is not your brother. Some don’t even allow their partners receive other people’s calls. And some playing the monitoring spirit role, the type Sandra is suffering from, if you have to engage in all these possessive attitudes, your partner might begin to feel caged and needs to be let out of that cage and the freedom will only mean it’s over, so if you want the relationship to work, you have to give your partner the benefit of doubt.
2 Trust: Trust is the bedrock for building a strong relationship. However, lack of trust is one of the most common themes to surface in most relationships whether face to face or long distance. Trust means that you have placed your confidence and faith in your partner, and that you expect honesty, integrity, loyalty, and respect to be at the centre of your relationship. You also expect your partner to keep promises and confidences, and to stay with you when the going gets tough. Your trust should always be earned; you should not give it to another lightly. When you first met your partner, you probably shared information that helped you to figure out whether or not he or she was “worthy” of your trust and of your heart. As you got to know your partner better, you most likely shared more vulnerable information about yourself; expecting that he or she would hold this most precious part of you in a place of safety and love and if the contrary is done, then you are most likely to lose the relationship.

3 Always Have Something to Look Forward To Together: What kills long distance relationships is the constant underlying uncertainty to everything. “Is this all worth it?” “Does she still feel the same way about me as she did before?” “Is he secretly meeting other girls without me knowing?” “Am I kidding myself with all of this?  Etc
There should be a planned date of meeting, or something like relocation, vacation etc and these is enough to give one another hope, and the anxiousness that comes with the date you are looking forward to is totally indescribable and makes the wait worth the while.
4 Openness in sharing their feelings: oftentimes, partners find it difficult expressing themselves. Always let the other person know how you feel about him or her at a particular time, whether good or bad. If you feel good about the person, always let them know from time to time and the remembrance of what you say to them can only but keep the other person going and feeling confident about the relationship but if the feeling is on the contrary, still let your partner know, the result of your discussion would determine how far you can go while holding on instead of bearing grudges over unexpressed pain.
5 Avoid third party relationship: Don’t always conclude issues without making enquiries from your partner. In Nigeria, we know what they call ‘amebo people’ that is people who are fond of gossiping and puck nosing into other people’s affairs and at worst ruin other people’s relationships. They are everywhere like a lion looking for whom to devour. Whatever you hear about your partner shouldn’t be a basis for any action until you find out from your partner or better still, see things for yourself before drawing your conclusions.
6 Effective Communication: The power of communication cannot be over emphasized as it has become bedrock of every solid relationship. Long distance relationship couple are encouraged to always keep in touch with one another and as much as possible detail the other person about your activities inoreder to make them feel closer and part of you.
7 Be slow to judge:  Funny thing happens to humans psychologically when we’re separated from one another. We’re not able to see each other as we truly are. When we’re apart from one another or have limited exposure to a person or event, we start to make all sorts of assumptions or judgments that are usually exaggerated or untrue. All these must be avoid to make it work.

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